There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
