Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Holy shit dude........stairs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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