Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
