Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
