I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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