Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She said her name was "party"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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