first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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