Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
