Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
