I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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