Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
