You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
