She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
