he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
