the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
