Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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