Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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