I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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