Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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