does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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