Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
