Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
