That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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