I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
