did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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