We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
