Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
