how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
