so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
