yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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