I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
