the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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