I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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