so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
