I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
