I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
