Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
