Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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