I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
