...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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