i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
