so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
