This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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