when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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