His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hippo gnu deer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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