tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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