they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
