I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
