i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
