you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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