i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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