he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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