chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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