this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
