There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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