Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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