we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
