The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
