he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
