So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
