Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
