no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude. I can hear the air.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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