Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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