I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
