First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
