I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
