So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
