We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
