it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
