I cannot find my penis.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
