I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
