THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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