Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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