Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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