I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
