Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
