Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
